Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
