just come out here and I will go home with you...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
