would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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