Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
