Old men and throwing up are my life now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
