Where did you get a picture of my penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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