I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
