You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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