dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
