3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
