I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
