Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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