I'm gonna have a badass scar
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
