she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
