Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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