so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
