Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
