guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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