Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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