I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize