um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
