I accidentally had phone sex last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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