every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
