is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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