never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
