I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
