oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
