So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
