My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
