he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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