My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize