she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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