you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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