Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
