I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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