when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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