the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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