Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
