Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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