my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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