i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
