I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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