so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
