you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
