Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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