Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
