definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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