So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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