Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
