Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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