hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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