Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
