I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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