Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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