I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
