Your mouth is God's brothel.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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