I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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