i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
