no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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