In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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