remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
