What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize