Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
