i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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